Fix Me author Belynder Walia on taking back control of life

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Many of us find ourselves on a winding road of self-discovery, healing, and managing anxiety in a world that often seems obsessed with perfection and external validation. It’s a journey that’s not always easy, filled with uncertainty, past traumas, societal expectations, and the desire to fit in. But we eventually realise that life isn’t always smooth, and the tough times we face can become invaluable teachers. The key to this journey is understanding that it’s about exploring and embracing all facets of ourselves – the good, the bad, and the ugly.

“The pursuit of perfection, a mirage we can never truly reach, only hinders our progress.”

Fix Me: How To Manage Anxiety and Take Control of Your Life by Belynder Walia

Seeking authenticity in a world of illusions

This expedition into self-discovery requires us to build self-awareness and accept the complexities of our lives. It’s an adventure that takes us inside ourselves rather than constantly seeking approval from others. We must recognise that authenticity requires no effort; when we try to be someone we’re not, please others, or seek validation from external sources, we find ourselves overwhelmed and anxious. The pursuit of perfection, a mirage we can never truly reach, only hinders our progress.

Read: What is perfectionism – The Perfectionist’s Guide to Losing Control author Katherine Morgan Schafler

In this quest for authenticity, we must free ourselves from misleading ideals, often making us believe that being super popular or living like a celebrity is the path to happiness. However, the real question we must ask ourselves is: Do we genuinely know what we want, or are we merely conforming to the expectations of others? The constant stream of seemingly perfect images and lives, sometimes in person or on social media, can lead us astray, making us forget who we are at our core.

Embracing imperfections and the power of healing

The trap of comparison can be particularly damaging, as we measure our worth by the number of friends or followers we have. But we must remember that it’s okay not to be perfect. Accepting our imperfections can be a superpower, enabling us to see that our weaknesses are unique strengths that shape our individuality. The scars on our bodies and the emotions we’ve experienced tell the story of the battles we’ve fought and our enduring strength. Instead of shunning our past, we should learn from it and wear it as a badge of honour.

“As we become more aligned within ourselves, we naturally attract and connect with like-minded individuals.”

Staying strong and positive is vital in our journey towards self-discovery, especially when facing anxiety. Difficult times offer us opportunities to grow and discover the depths of our inner strength. Even in moments of anxiety, we can find the resilience to overcome challenges and move closer to our true selves. Our mission is to peel away the layers influenced by external expectations and unearth our authentic selves beneath. This self-awareness empowers us to make choices that align with our beliefs, desires, and passions, leading to a happier life and better anxiety management.

The personalised path to self-discovery

Healing is an integral part of this journey, allowing us to mend the parts of ourselves that have been hurt or felt sadness. It’s like warmly embracing those emotions, making them stronger and more resilient. Healing doesn’t erase the past but grants us a deeper understanding of it. When we heal, we become better equipped to handle tough times, forgive ourselves, and release the burdens that have weighed us down.

Featured expert: What is gaslighting? Dr Robin Stern on turning off the gas

This path of self-discovery is unique, as what works for one person may not work for another, especially when dealing with anxiety. It may involve talking to someone, reflecting on your life, going on adventures, nurturing your creativity, or whatever brings you joy. That is why embracing your own story and the lessons it has taught you is crucial. Be kind to yourself, as everyone is continuously evolving and learning. We are all like unfinished paintings, and that’s perfectly acceptable.

Ultimately, this journey is about gratitude, self-acceptance, self-compassion, inner strength, and understanding our authentic selves. As we become more aligned within ourselves, we naturally attract and connect with like-minded individuals. By being open and honest about our feelings, we become stronger and contribute to making the world better, one step at a time.

About the author

Belynder Walia, is the author of Fix Me: How To Manage Anxiety And Take Control Of Your Life. She is a dedicated psychotherapist, author, and speaker, and is on a mission to foster inner harmony through the power of self-relationship and emotional empowerment. Her profound insights and guidance sparks transformative growth, ultimately promoting resilience and well-being. “Fix Me” by Belynder Walia is out on October 26th, 2023.

Want to get involved? Find out more about guest posting for How to Be Books here.

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