It’s poignant reading a memoir by Matthew Perry, especially in light of his recent tragic passing. Barely a year ago, Perry unveiled his deeply introspective book titled “Friends, Lovers and the Big Terrible Thing.” Yet, a year later, on October 28th, the world mourned as news of the ‘Friends’ star’s reported accidental drowning emerged. Perry’s words, “there is still so much left to do,” now resonate with a haunting finality.

Though the 54-year-old seemed to hint at an underlying awareness of his own vulnerabilities, his memoir suggests he wasn’t resigning himself to a tragic fate. Instead, he yearned for the happy ending his iconic character, Chandler Bing, found—a life surrounded by love, devoid of loneliness and abandonment. At the time of writing, authorities said it will take time to determine a cause of death. He was found dead at his Pacific Palisades home.

From childhood struggles to iconic stardom

The Canadian-American actor’s candid revelations about his struggles with addiction and an early life marked by familial challenges draw startling parallels between his life and that of his on-screen persona, Chandler. Perry even mentioned feeling like the role was his destiny.

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Recalling early hardships, Perry shared, “even though my finger had just been sliced off. I guess I’d learned at thirty days old that if I cried, I’d get knocked out, so I’d better not cry.” He delved into being administered phenobarbital as an infant—a common 1960s remedy for colic—which he considered the onset of his later addictions. “As an adult,” he reflected, “I just picked up where I’d left off.”

Chandler Bing’s shadows

Interestingly, some of Perry’s distinctive mannerisms, which later became quintessential Chandler quirks, emerged from his teenage years. Auditioning for the role, Perry brought an unexpected comedic touch, reminiscent of his days trying to uplift his mother’s spirits in Ottawa. “I got laughs where no one else had. I was cheering up my mother. And Chandler was born.”

Emphasising his deep connection to the role, Perry confessed, “I could never have played Chandler if my mother weren’t my mother […] Because Chandler was just a hider of true pain. What better character for a sitcom! To just make a joke about everything, so we don’t have to talk about anything real—that’s how Chandler started.”

There were ample occasions where Chandler’s character talked about his dysfunctional upbringing, whether that was never being hugged by his father as mentioned in an episode with his Hollywood co-star Bruce Willis, or alluding to having caught his parents during sexual acts. His fictional mother, played by Morgan Fairchild, paid tribute to him saying “I’m heartbroken about the untimely death of my “son”, Matthew Perry.”

Despite Chandler’s fictional triumphs, Perry candidly admitted that the character’s success often surpassed his own real-life achievements. Perry adds “what I actually did in real life—getting married, having kids—well … some things I can’t talk about all that well.”

Behind the laughter

His memoir doesn’t shy away from the darker periods during ‘Friends’. Perry painted a grim picture of his struggle with addiction, often blurring the lines between reel and real life. But he was quick to express gratitude for his co-stars, likening them to guardian penguins rallying around an injured companion. Perry reminisced about being the “injured penguin”, relying on his colleagues’ support, notably Jennifer Aniston and Courteney Cox’s backstage exercise bike sessions to combat hangovers. He also humorously recalled being jolted awake by Matt LeBlanc just seconds before delivering his line in one scene.

Following his death, his cast mates paid tribute in a joint statement. Speaking to People Magazine, they said: “We are all so utterly devastated by the loss of Matthew. We were more than just cast mates. We are a family.

“There is so much to say, but right now we’re going to take a moment to grieve and process this unfathomable loss,” they added.

“In time we will say more, as and when we are able,” the statement continues. “For now, our thoughts and our love are with Matty’s family, his friends, and everyone who loved him around the world.”

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The sombre reality of Perry’s journey is undeniable. Despite monumental achievements, including being one of the highest-paid TV actors and dating luminaries like Julia Roberts, he recognised the dichotomy of his life’s trajectory. “I was a Canadian kid whose dreams came true,” he said, “they were just the wrong dreams.” Still, his spirit remained undaunted, as he sought to redefine his aspirations, whether in time or perhaps, regrettably, too late.